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I promised to do this weeks ago. Here’s a new set of Tabloid splashy scandalous headlines and other facetious news items for everyone I can think of. If miss someone, let me know and I’ll put up a second set to include them.
Kody caught skinny-dipping with Karen Koehler. Vampire author states “I was just training my new minion.”
Kim Paffenroth was seen sneaking into Louise’s harem. When questioned by reporters, the author of Dying to Live, stated that he was just looking for the kitchen.
Russel Nayle, influential celebrity gossip columnist, denied rumors that he was seen chasing Brian Keene with a butterfly net at the Stoker Awards.
CritGit rescued from cage in Janrae’s basement. According to Raingods‘, leader of the rescue team, CritGit’s captor Ms. Frank was heard maniacally shrieking “Fix my flaws!” before fleeing into the New England forests.
Michele Lee captures Bigfoot. “Monsters make the best sex-slaves,” said Ms. Lee when interviewed.
Lawrence Dagstine severely battered by one-legged midget. “My fans love me,” said Dagstine.
Kevin Lucia arrested for burning books without a permit. “The bad prose made me do it! My eyes! My Eyes!”
Mike Brendan’s eyes implode! Janrae Frank implicated. News at 11. “I knew I shouldn’t have sent Mike that book to read. I knew it.”
I’ve been bad lately. For the past week, I have been pushing too hard to make up for the two weeks I lost to a cold and of course the Nitwittery did not help at all. When I don’t pace myself, I get too tired to think straight. and pay the piper for it. Post-polio syndrome is a bitch. And I have always tried to bull my way through situations. I haven’t lost the tendency even though my body can’t support it any longer.
However, I did meet my deadline to get Blood Hope turned in and it’s now at the stage where it is being edited. The revisions are going on now with online editorial meetings. Royalties are supposed to go out around the 15th of May.
Blood Hope will be out on Monday the 12th of May.
I am going to slow back down to a realistic pace of work once all that is done. Actually, I already have. I finally got a good night’s sleep.
Now, how is this a meditation on Nitwittery?
First, let’s start the meditation.
*puts her propeller beanie on, sits cross-legged on the floor, sticks her arms out to her sides and chants ‘nitwits. nitwits’*
In professional writing, two of the main signs of success is sales and a readership.
The nitwits simultaneously reject the validity of the readers and crave sales.
They can’t have it both ways.
They ridicule the pros who worked hard at their craft and now get the sales they deserve.
Let’s take Brian Keene for instance, since he’s one of the nitwit’s favorite targets. I see his books on the supermarket shelves now, sitting right there next to Stephen King. He writes what he loves (which means that he’s not a sell-out). And he honed his craft (something the nitwits seem incapable of doing). his sales has risen to this degree of popularity because the readers read him.
The song of the nitwits is “I hate readers. Oooh, oooh, I’ve got a book coming out from Silverthought, buy my books.”
Nitwits, you can’t have it both ways.
Remember the old saying, the proof is in the pudding.
The next thing is that the nitwits claim to be leading a revolution in the genre.
Fidel Castro staged a revolution. But what would have happened if he had staged his revolution and no one bothered to come? He would have lasted about ten minutes.
The nitwits are staging a revolution, but no one is reading them.
They say that by writing these posts I am giving them great PR. I’m not. How do I know that i’m not?
Simple. The people who read my work do not want to read about guys that fuck clocks. The reaction of my readers would not be to pick up one of their books out of curiosity. No, my readership would take a look at one of Philbin’s samples over at authorsden and respond “Eww. Nasty.” and then they would not buy anything he wrote.
As for Dagstine. Well, fantasy and science fiction readers, the ones with the money to buy books, are an educated audience. As such, all of his lapses in logic would be seen for what they were immediately. He might get one sale, but he would never get a second.
Kristy Tallman claims to be a storyteller. Well, a storyteller who does not know how to tell a story isn’t a storyteller.
Judging from how long Silverthought has been around, I have to question why they have no books available at Barnes and Noble brick and mortar stores. I looked the day that Nat and I went to pick up office supplies. The Officemax we go to sits right next to a Barnes and Nobles.
Managers for the chain bookstores have only limited ability to decide what is on their shelves. The majors send reps to their corporate headquarters and the big guys make the decision about what to carry. Back when things were less centralized, jobbers would pick up books from the majors, shove the cartons of books into the back of their vehicles and supply the local stores. The jobbers were phased out back in the 90s. Authors with only local appeal swiftly vanished.
Publishing is not what it used to be.
