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According to lunatic fringe author, Mike Philbin, the saucers have landed and martial law in the United States is a fact.
However, help is on the way. Transhuman hero, Mike Brendan, is fighting the invasion alongside a fifty foot Ant.
Karen Koehler has informed sources that Godzilla is on his way. Can Gammera be far behind?
Phil Smith declares that he’s cooked up something in his hidden castle in Scotland that will prevent the New World Order of Nitwits from landing their saucers in Britain. He promises that it will be extremely nasty.
Jerrod Balzer is said to be organizing an army of Elite Special Forces Sasquatches and Creatures from the Black Lagoon. Nessie complains that flying saucers have given her indigestion and she’s decided to crack them open and eat the contents without the shells.
Saber-toothed feline, Odetta, has left a string of broken saucers in Arizona. Raingods complains, “You can’t keep eating them before I can catch one.”
With a hat tip to Rusty Nail
Secret military files have recently been unearthed! The movie Them has been proven prophetic. A biohazard near Los Angeles has spawned a 50 Foot Ant that is leaving a swath of destruction in its wake. It appears to be headed for Chicago. Residents are fleeing the city.
Sabledrake Loses Fur! Rumor has it that the black dragon known as Sabledrake is going bald. Doctors and Scientists are baffled as the great one becomes a nudist.
REVOLT OF THE MINIONS! Reporters on the scene watch from behind the barricades as maddened minions storm Castle Koehler. Literary vampire quoted as saying that if they keep getting out of hand she will put the bite on them.
Lake Fossil has become an endangered species as Armored Goldfish Invade Chicago River. Conservationists are appalled and demanding military intervention to save the Lake Fossil.
It had recently been reported that SirOtter was seen Leaving a Werewolf Bar. The paparazzi had a field day with candid shots of drunken author with his arms around two furry females in thongs.
Jodi Lee made headlines today when she hooked the Creature from the Black Lagoon while fishing in her neighbor’s swimming pool.
Noted expatriate British author Willie Meikle shaved beard, revealing that he is actually Oscar Wilde.
A tragic misfire occurred in Finland when Autoaim shot the balls off one of the last of the endangered species known as Homo Suidae. Pacione still attempting to sew them back on with pink thread. When interviewed by reporters, Autoaim shook his head and replied, “That wasn’t the part I was aiming for.”
ExposeTheTard Exposed! Noted blogger ExposetheTard was recently discovered to be a frustrated Tallulah Bankhead look alike and small time stripper who calls herself Ninochka. “I’ll strip anyone down to their bare nuts … except Nicky. He doesn’t have any.”
Giant Lobster Hovers Over Oxford! Mike Philbin has been coated in cum from a Giant Lobster that emerged from the Thames looking for Bukkakeworld.
I promised to do this weeks ago. Here’s a new set of Tabloid splashy scandalous headlines and other facetious news items for everyone I can think of. If miss someone, let me know and I’ll put up a second set to include them.
Kody caught skinny-dipping with Karen Koehler. Vampire author states “I was just training my new minion.”
Kim Paffenroth was seen sneaking into Louise’s harem. When questioned by reporters, the author of Dying to Live, stated that he was just looking for the kitchen.
Russel Nayle, influential celebrity gossip columnist, denied rumors that he was seen chasing Brian Keene with a butterfly net at the Stoker Awards.
CritGit rescued from cage in Janrae’s basement. According to Raingods‘, leader of the rescue team, CritGit’s captor Ms. Frank was heard maniacally shrieking “Fix my flaws!” before fleeing into the New England forests.
Michele Lee captures Bigfoot. “Monsters make the best sex-slaves,” said Ms. Lee when interviewed.
Lawrence Dagstine severely battered by one-legged midget. “My fans love me,” said Dagstine.
Kevin Lucia arrested for burning books without a permit. “The bad prose made me do it! My eyes! My Eyes!”
Mike Brendan’s eyes implode! Janrae Frank implicated. News at 11. “I knew I shouldn’t have sent Mike that book to read. I knew it.”
