"My work may be garbage but it's good garbage." Mickey Spillane
From the time I was eight years old, when I came down with polio, I began to believe that I was abnormal. In addition to the polio, I had severe childhood pattern asthma. There are times when I believe that it was a miracle that I managed to grow up at all.
Will power alone was often the key to functioning. I developed an odd dichotomy. I was utterly fearless in physical situations, but increasingly shy in social ones.
I considered myself to be an abnormal person passing for normal. It worsened. I had a home teacher sent out by the school system from the time I was eight until I was 16.
I would go to school for a few months, and then have a bad asthma attack (possibly with an emotional trigger) and I would beg Mama to let me study at home.
This was before the home-schooling movement caught on.
Mama would take me to Dr. Woods, and he would order home study for me. Bingo! I did not have to deal with other children. The social gap widened and widened as I grew older and I realized it. I felt that if I did not go back to high school and stay there I was on a collision course with reality.
Papa had just retired and they were discussing moving back to Texas again. I saw Texas as a wonderful place filled with cousins that i always visited with during the summers. I also knew that the school system in Texas would force me to continue in school or dropout. I wanted to put myself in a situation where I could not evade school. That october I turned 17 and we moved to Fort Worth.
From October to December, I struggled to fit in and was soundly rejected. When Christmas vacation arrived, I was so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, that I slept day and night for the better part of a week.
Once I was rested enough to think straight, I declared war on the school, but that’s a subject for another post.
A year after I graduated from Riverside High School, we returned to California. Mickey was sick and wanted them to come back and help her.
I attended college at Mt. San Antonio Junior College and saved up to buy my first car, a 1965 Ford Falcon.
I was very lonely, but too defiant to give in. While I was there, I encountered members of the Bahai faith and that’s where everything went wrong and my descent into darkness began.