Cussedness Corner

"My work may be garbage but it's good garbage." Mickey Spillane

Tabloid Headlines!


I promised to do this weeks ago. Here’s a new set of Tabloid splashy scandalous headlines and other facetious news items for everyone I can think of. If miss someone, let me know and I’ll put up a second set to include them.

Kody caught skinny-dipping with Karen Koehler.
Vampire author states “I was just training my new minion.”

Kim Paffenroth was seen sneaking into Louise’s harem. When questioned by reporters, the author of Dying to Live, stated that he was just looking for the kitchen.

Russel Nayle, influential celebrity gossip columnist, denied rumors that he was seen chasing Brian Keene with a butterfly net at the Stoker Awards.

CritGit rescued from cage in Janrae’s basement
. According to Raingods, leader of the rescue team, CritGit’s captor Ms. Frank was heard maniacally shrieking “Fix my flaws!” before fleeing into the New England forests.

Michele Lee captures Bigfoot. “Monsters make the best sex-slaves,” said Ms. Lee when interviewed.

Lawrence Dagstine severely battered by one-legged midget. “My fans love me,” said Dagstine.

Kevin Lucia arrested for burning books without a permit. “The bad prose made me do it! My eyes! My Eyes!”

Mike Brendan’s eyes implode! Janrae Frank implicated. News at 11. “I knew I shouldn’t have sent Mike that book to read. I knew it.”

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30 comments on “Tabloid Headlines!

  1. CritGit
    August 21, 2008

    I can now be found sat up a tree, eating cookies, trying to stop the memories.
    “The Master brings the pain and the happy. The Master bringd the pain and the happy.”

  2. CritGit
    August 21, 2008

    Oh, and thanks to Raingods! 😀

  3. Mike Brendan
    August 21, 2008

    I’m okay, I got replacements. Unfortunately they’re only licensed for infrared at the moment…

  4. Michele Lee
    August 21, 2008

    LMAO!!!

  5. khazar
    August 21, 2008

    I vote for the Dagstine’s comment as Pick of the Litter. You know that’s how his adoring public feels about him.

  6. Kevin Lucia
    August 21, 2008

    It’s a damn good thing I look good in sunglasses. I think Kurtz said it best….

    “The horror! The horror!”

    or maybe..

    “The hideous lack of anything horrible except the writing!”

  7. johaha
    August 21, 2008

    He has been suspiciously quiet for longer than usual…

  8. Sir Otter
    August 22, 2008

    I’m not sure whether to be offended I wasn’t included, or grateful. :{)

  9. cussedness
    August 22, 2008

    thanks for the great comments.

  10. Kaolin Fire
    August 22, 2008

    Fun 😀

  11. raingods
    August 22, 2008

    Your welcome Crit! I’m not even bothered by the bite on my arm anymore.

  12. raingods
    August 22, 2008

    And I’m jealous I didn’t think of this first! ;p

  13. Mike Brendan
    August 22, 2008

    In an update, Karen Koehler, Michele Lee and Raingods have filed a joint harassment suit against Mike Brendan. “I feel bad his eyeballs imploded, but ever since the replacements all he’s done is stare at us.”

    When interviewed, the transhuman author said, “What? I still haven’t gotten the licensing for the visible light function. Stupid Microsoft optics…”

  14. cussedness
    August 22, 2008

    Oh dear! I do apologize for sending you The Vampire Manifesto

  15. Rusty
    August 22, 2008

    It was a fishing net, I’ll have you know. And I was just trying to steal a lobster from the tank in the kitchen.

  16. cussedness
    August 22, 2008

    But was it Brian’s lobster? Concerned readers want to know.

  17. Mike Brendan
    August 22, 2008

    The scary thing is I was “staring” at the three of them and I only picked up two heat signatures. Not sure what to make of that…

  18. cussedness
    August 22, 2008

    uh oh.

  19. Guy La Douche
    August 22, 2008

    Philbin excommunicated from leper community. “We were afraid is stink would rub off on us,” one leper said on the condition of anonymity.

  20. Rusty
    August 22, 2008

    But was it Brian’s lobster?

    I’ve no idea. One of the sous-chefs caught me, and I bolted into the hallway. That’s when I bumped into Kim, who said he was looking for Louise’s harem.

  21. JodiLee
    August 22, 2008

    Which one wasn’t giving off heat, Mike? o.O

    Louise’s harem has been a popular place, lately.

  22. raingods
    August 22, 2008

    *looks around innocently, and keeps to the shadows*

  23. cussedness
    August 22, 2008

    Fee Fie Foe Fum.
    I smell the blood of an Englishman….
    ROAR>

  24. Ben McClellan
    August 23, 2008

    Kody, you stud! 🙂

  25. Mike Brendan
    August 23, 2008

    That’s just it Jodi, I DON’T KNOW, I can’t see visible light yet. 😛

  26. Kody Boye
    August 23, 2008

    ‘Kody, you stud!’

    Everyone knows I’m hot shit. Just lick your finger and touch it; you’ll get third degree burns. 😄

    “In recent news, Koehler admits that while her actions were wrong, she claims that Boye threatened to stop her vagina if she didn’t find the lost city of Atlantic for him.”

    😄

  27. Kody Boye
    August 23, 2008

    Oh, and by the way; I’m an official member of Louise’s harem. I signed the contract last week. 😛

  28. cussedness
    August 23, 2008

    Congratulations, Kody. *pretends to be walking to the kitchen and sneaks through a side door*

  29. Kody Boye
    August 23, 2008

    No you don’t! You’re coming with! Louise needs someone to clean up all the blood…

  30. Adam Lowe
    August 25, 2008

    LMFAO! Classic 😉

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