Cussedness Corner

"My work may be garbage but it's good garbage." Mickey Spillane

Why I don’t Own a TV

A lot of people think that the reason I don’t own a television was because I wanted to do something right.

The reason I don’t own a tv is that I don’t like them on the basis of a pattern in my life toward the end of my marriage. Natalie has worked hard to get me over my tv and movie allergy.

After Sovay became a hostage in the marriage, Jean would sometimes “reward” me for bending to her wishes by allowing me to watch a movie with her. For years afterward, I could not watch a movie or tv without my skin crawling. My stomach would knot up if I tried to watch either tv or a movie. I made her angry toward the end of our marriage by refusing to watch it.

There were too many bad associations with it for me.

The first few years that I knew Natalie, she slowly got me over it. Now I can sit through a movie or watch tv with her without wanting to flee the room. I even watch dvds on my computer. But it took years to get over it. That’s why I don’t own one.

Even so, I get antsy after one show or one movie. It takes a lot to get me to sit still through two movies or two tv shows. Natalie tries hard to get me to go upstairs and watch them, but I have to first gear up to deal with the feelings. I always enjoy it, but then I don’t wish to do it again.

I think that the time will come when I can once more watch them with pleasure.


5 comments on “Why I don’t Own a TV

  1. Cuss KId
    September 21, 2008

    yeah I had my own issues with watching tv with dad but it was never so bad as that.

    Sad that he ruined a passtime we both enjoyed when I was little.

  2. cussedness
    September 21, 2008

    I’m getting over it, Sovay. It just takes time.

  3. Cuss KId
    September 21, 2008

    no worries 🙂

  4. khazar
    September 22, 2008

    For a skinny little guy, Jean was sure a dominating control freak. I think he was the kind of bully who picks out targets that can be manipulated at will. When they leave, it’s always their fault.

    I’m really surprized no one has decided to beat the holy bejeezus out of her.

  5. cussedness
    September 22, 2008

    I always wondered that myself. He picks on women who have some kind of vulnerable psychological flaw. Mine was that I was a sucker for a guilt trip along the lines of what my family used to do to me. And I secretly considered myself to be abnormal because of the polio. Jean jumped on that. HOwever, the harder I tried to get away, the weirder and savage the headtrips and manipulations got. And sometimes Jean’s dad faciliated her abuses.

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This entry was posted on September 21, 2008 by in Janrae Frank.

Janrae Frank

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