Cussedness Corner

"My work may be garbage but it's good garbage." Mickey Spillane

Martial Law Updates: Tabloid Headlines #5

According to lunatic fringe author, Mike Philbin, the saucers have landed and martial law in the United States is a fact.

However, help is on the way.  Transhuman hero, Mike Brendan, is fighting the invasion alongside a fifty foot Ant.

Karen Koehler has informed sources that Godzilla is on his way.  Can Gammera be far behind?

Phil Smith declares that he’s cooked up something in his hidden castle in Scotland that will prevent the New World Order of Nitwits from landing their saucers in Britain.  He promises that it will be extremely nasty.

Jerrod Balzer is said to be organizing an army of Elite Special Forces Sasquatches and Creatures from the Black Lagoon.  Nessie complains that flying saucers have given her indigestion and she’s decided to crack them open and eat the contents without the shells.

Saber-toothed feline, Odetta, has left a string of broken saucers in Arizona.  Raingods complains, “You can’t keep eating them before I can catch one.”


13 comments on “Martial Law Updates: Tabloid Headlines #5

  1. Karen
    October 8, 2008

    Oh no, they say he’s got to go go go Godzilla! 😀

    And with a little luck I’ll be hopefully adding to the daikaiju menagerie soon!

    NYC is about to be stomped!

  2. Mike Brendan
    October 8, 2008

    Well, we lost a sniper in a live field test with anti-matter tipped rounds. I figured, “what’s the worst that could happen?” Then I realized I didn’t carry the two.

    And this just in, that 50 Foot Ant is being ridden by a Fifty Foot Woman. Holy Hannah!

    Reporting live from the field, I’m Mike Brendan.

  3. cussedness
    October 8, 2008

    Blue Oyster Cult!

    I’m looking forward to reading your daikaiju.

  4. cussedness
    October 8, 2008

    We’re gonna get them saucers, Mike.

  5. Mike Brendan
    October 8, 2008

    It’s as easy as punching hacks in a sleepsack.

  6. cussedness
    October 8, 2008

    Sleepsack spotted. Holy Mothers, what’s that stench?

  7. Karen
    October 8, 2008

    I’m NEVER getting over the sleepsack thing.

  8. 50footant
    October 8, 2008


    Crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside.


    Kinda like popcorn, except they try to crawl out of your mouth.

  9. Rusty
    October 8, 2008

    Detta needs to learn that proper feline protocol is to leave at least one of the kill by Rain’s front door, as a present.

    An enormous long-haired gray cat, named Jaguar, that belonged to a neighbor, used to raid my catnip, roll around on the walk, just off my front porch, and leave me a dead bird the next day.

    Catnip: minty fresh on the outside, buzz-inducing on the inside.

  10. Mike Brendan
    October 8, 2008

    Karen, I’ll be good and not comment on your comment. 😉

    Rusty, you realize he’s just paying his dealer, right?

  11. Rusty
    October 8, 2008

    Of course I do, Karen. 😉

  12. khazar
    October 8, 2008

    He must be right. There were no lines at the bank yesterday.

  13. AlKilyu
    October 9, 2008

    VeryUnseemly joined the mix over there, and she appears to be Philbin’s greatest nemisis.

    I don’t know much about her other than she is a student. Regardless if she is a college student, I will never forget the time she asked him something very simple in response to a comment he made, and rather than just answer it, he actually complained that people weren’t posting under their real names. She didn’t insult him, she wasn’t even snarky that day, she just frustrated him because he was getting pwned and couldn’t come back, and his response was to wish he could find out her REAL name.

    Apparently he had asked for her real name before that, which she indicated in that thread, and that made it seem all the more creepy.

    Combine that with his friend “I don’t know who” Lawrence Dagstine “is!”, who himself cannot argue with women online without trying to find out their personal info, and you have a stalker.

    He’s just a punk. They both are.

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